


It's Always You

by jeromevaleska



Category: Mercy Street (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff and Smut, Making Love, Oral Sex, POV Female Character, POV Second Person, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Reader Insert, Romantic Fluff, Sexual Content, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-04
Updated: 2016-02-04
Packaged: 2018-05-18 06:14:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,249
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5901433
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jeromevaleska/pseuds/jeromevaleska
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You comfort Tom after one of his panic attacks.</p>
            </blockquote>





	It's Always You

It’s a late evening, but it’s sweltering, and no matter how tight you tie the cotton cloth around your nose, all you can smell is decaying flesh. You wearily wipe drops of sweat off your forehead, blinking away the midst in your eyes that the heat created, and you continued to stitch up a young man’s leg. You were nearly done, only a few more pulls through, but your hands were starting to tremble, your fingers are moist with sweat and blood, and the needle is starting to slip through your fingers.

Fortunately, you were able to extract a fragment of the bullet from his leg, so more than likely it wouldn’t have to be amputated, but you’re slightly worried that your sleep deprived and overworked body will betray you into making a mistake on the poor solider.

Your knees hurt from where you’ve been kneeling in the dirt, caking your once-white dress with dried blood and the grime of war, and you wonder idly why there’s not a spare chair around for you.

You brush away a lock of your hair that’s fallen into your eyes and you take a deep, puffing breath, and tie the final stitch. You’re feeling exhausted, to say the least, and you desperately want to take a break but looking at what you’ve done for the young man, you know you’re exactly where you need to be.

“All finished. Now you must get some rest, sir.” you said softly, wiping your hands on your dress. He gives you what you assumed was a ‘thank you smile’ but it’s really just a pained grimace, it’s a look you’ve seen on a thousand men’s faces in the past couple of months.

“Thank you miss.” the man stuttered, his eyes heavily lidded. You were about to give him some doctorly advice of what not to do and give him another reminder to take it easy but then you heard an oh-so familiar voice shouting in the other room. You rushed upstairs and burst the door open, only to reveal a huddled figure on the bed in the dark. It was none other than Tom, the wounded solider who had your heart.

He curled himself against the wall, he was breathing in and out of his mouth hurriedly, his breath hitched, caught in the back of his throat. Hot tears were gathering in the corner of his eyes, you crouched down next to him and whispered, “It’s okay, Tom, you’re safe.” you reached out with your hand and lightly touched his shoulder.

He jerked away at the touch, then looked at you with a frown. His hands were shaking as he clutched his knees, “Gunshots,” he whimpered, “That’s all I hear.”

You leaned into him, uncoiling his hands from his knees and placing one over his heart and the other on your own chest. “Breathe in and out,” you coached him softly, “Everything will be alright. I promise you that.”

“It won’t stop. Every second that’s all I can hear.”

You took a seat next to him on the bed carefully and you hushed him, he seemed to surrender and he grew slack in your arms, allowing himself to be pulled into a hug. You sat that way with him for sometime, leaning against each other. He would occasionally flinch against your body but each time he did you stroked his back reassuringly. He nuzzled his head against the crook of your neck, taking in your scent, this steadied him beyond all else. Your soothing words always seemed to help him, but it was the smell that reminded him of where he was. No scent of gunpowder or gasoline. No reek of unfamiliar men’s sweat in the desert sun. Just there with you.

He steadied himself and once he had his mind back, he looked into your eyes, this is what grounded him completely. He quickly apologized for the outburst, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to—I just don’t think I’ll be able to catch a blink of shuteye.”

“It’s okay. I can keep you company.” you assured, smiling at him softly.

You weren’t sure how it started, or when you started to notice the warm feeling you got when he would occasionally laughed at something you said, the butterflies in your stomach when he smiled at you, or how the corners of his eyes crinkled when he did it. You’ll never forget the twinkle in his eyes when you were first assigned to be his nurse, that you were the one to care for him and look after him. A smile always seems to finds its way onto your face like it’s the easiest thing in the world when you’re around him like when he told you stories detailing his life before the war started. You cared for your other patients with a detached, clinical eye but your association with this young solider grew to something reminiscent of friendship, and then what seemed to become something more as you got to know him with each visit. You visited him every night and not just when you were caring for his wounds, you two would talk about anything and everything, that sometimes you didn’t even realize when the time flew by.

This entire time, you’ve been struggling with whatever feelings these may be, and you refused to admit to yourself that it’s love but there’s a voice in your head that knows it’s not true. There were times when you were exhausted from running about and tending to so many patients that you would lay your head down on his pillow, next to him, and you two would whisper to each other as if you were lovers. Sometimes you would end up falling asleep mid-sentence of what you were saying, and he thought it was the cutest thing. He wouldn’t wake you up right away and instead, he would stroke your locks of hair, letting you sleep because he knew you needed it and he wanted you to stay with him, even if it meant just for a little bit longer. He had a bristly, dismissive demeanor around the other doctors and nurses, but with you, he was always gentle.

There was silence hanging in the air and you wanted nothing more than to break it, but you didn’t know what to say. He always seemed to make you feel like that, be at a loss for words, and it wasn’t like that with the other soldiers. It pained you to see him in such agony, you knew there was no remedy for his heartache, but you wanted to just be there for him any time that he needed a shoulder to lean on.

“I’m sorry,” he apologized again, “Are you still tending to the others?” he asked, his voice hoarse.

“No, I just finished, and I’m staying here with you.” you stroked his shoulder gently before pulling away your hand.

You didn’t even realize it when your eyes wandered to his lips, you’re distracted by the sudden urge of wanting to kiss them, even though you know that you shouldn’t. He catches you staring at his lips for a moment too long, but instead of commenting, he simply smiles. And for whatever reason, it’s the most frustrating thing to happen all night. Out of habit, you lick your lips, and then nonchalantly glance away. You could’ve sworn you saw his eyes follow the movements of your tongue, but your mind often plays tricks on you. You turn to face him a moment later, and soon enough you find yourself staring into his eyes. It’s so easy to get lost in them, frustratingly so, but just this once, you don’t let it bother you. And the look in his eyes is one you’ve never seen before, a look so fond it takes your breath away.

But the look in his eyes is gone far too soon, and it makes you wonder what exactly you would have to do to see it again. He furrows his brows, like he normally does when he’s thinking really hard, and you find it adorable as much as you don’t want to admit it to yourself. It’s clear that he’s struggling to turn his thoughts in words.

“Maybe this isn’t the best time to ask,” he said suddenly, and you respond with the raise of an eyebrow, prompting him to continue on. He doesn’t want to end up doing something the two of you will regret, something that will end up hurting you more if he was wrong, but you’re insistent.

“May I try something?” he asked, scooting closer to you on the bed. You only nod your head, you feel like your heart is going to beat right out of your chest and your face is flushed, just like your whole body is.

“Close your eyes.” he whispered. You slowly close your eyes, more confused than ever, when suddenly you feel a pair of lips gently pressed against yours. Your heart skips a beat and it feels as if the world around you is spinning. It’s cautious. Careful at first. He’s slow, as if he’s worried that you’ll have second thoughts, or won’t let him. You’re surprised by the pair of arms that find their away around your waist, pulling you in closer. His lips are even softer than you imagined, and you let yourself melt into the kiss. You reach up and tangle your fingers in his hair as you deepened the kiss, enjoying the way he sighs at the heated contact. He moves his other hand on the small of your back, guiding you snug against him as your lips move in accord.

You lose yourself in the very feeling of it all, from the way his lips fit perfectly against yours, to the hand at your waist and back, and the way his scruff pleasantly tickles your chin. It’s everything you’ve could’ve asked for, and more. When you part for air, a surge of emotion floods your body. You want to hold him, and live in this moment forever. You want to believe that this moment will never end. But then you snap back to reality.

Soon enough, your vision begins to blur, and at first you thought that maybe, this was all a dream, that it was too good to be true. You look at him, for the first time since you parted for air, and you’re surprised to find a look of concern on his face.

“There’s something I’ve been needing to get off my chest, please tell me you’ll listen.” he pleaded before adding, “I-I’ve been wanting to do that for quite some time now, since I first laid eyes on you.” he admitted, meeting your gaze as he took your cheek in his hand.

“Tom, it’s not proper. I’m your nurse. People may gossip.” you murmured, glancing about the room, though it’s all but deserted. Few patients have been able to recover in the same room as your soldier.

“People do little else.” he replied.  


“But it’s not decent.” you repeated, though there’s no conviction to your tone.

“I thought you’d say that.” he whispered, more to himself than you. There’s a long pause between you two, but he continues, “I’m just gonna come out and say it. I love you,” he stated, his voice unwavering. “You are everything to me. You’re beautiful and intelligent. I’ve fallen for the way you bite your thumbnail when you’re deep in thought and trying to figure out a case. You care for your patients until your deadbeat tired and can’t even stand on your own two feet. You had me wrapped around your finger from the first day we met.” he cupped your face suddenly with a hand so that you meet his gaze, “I have been yours since then.” he confessed, his eyes never leaving yours.

“Tom,” you stared at him, wide eyed as he continued.

“I know you feel it too. I see it in the way you look at me. You wouldn’t have kissed back if you didn’t feel this.” his other hand reaches for yours, gripping it tightly in his. “I’ve been waiting to tell you this for the longest time, but, the longer I waited, the harder it was to say it. But I’m not afraid anymore.” he kept your hand clasped in his. Your wide eyes bored into his as he gulped down any feelings of fear he had in that moment. Right now, it was just you and him.

“I don’t have feelings for Alice anymore, if that’s what’s fretting you, I assure you. I can’t see myself with anyone, but you, Y/N.” he revealed, making you blink in surprise. You always felt a rush of heat in your cheeks and your heart fluttered whenever he would say your name.

“I-I.. for real?” you asked and he responded with a nod of his head. You wanted to be with him, more than you’ve ever wanted anything before, but you were well aware of the risks if you gave in to your desire. His confession made it all the more tempting, you knew that you two had this connection, it was almost unspoken, but you didn’t ever think he would come out and say it because of the circumstances. You felt conflicted, you knew it wasn’t wise to get involved with one of your patients, but you couldn’t deny your feelings for the solider as much as you tried to fight them.

“You’re the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last I think about before closing my eyes. It’s always you.” he uttered softly.

Now that he was here, pouring his heart out to you, it made everything that more clear for you, and you couldn’t imagine spending the rest of this night any other way.

“I will not push against a denial if you wish only to keep things as they are,” he uttered quietly, “to not get caught up in this affair to your detriment. I will understand. I couldn’t have lived with myself if you hadn’t known.”

“Tom,” you whispered his name and it instantly catches his attention, “I love you too. I want this.” you intertwined your fingers in his and he lifts your hand up to his mouth, planting a soft kiss upon it.

“You’re certain, Y/N? I don’t want you to have any second thoughts.” he inches closer to your face so that you can feel his warm breath, he doesn’t want this to be something that you regret later once it’s over.

“Yes, I’m certain. I’ve dreamt of this day.” you whipped your head back to make sure the door was closed and locked. Everyone was fast asleep besides you two, so it was safe, no one was going to find out.

“Come here.” he murmured. Your breath hitches and you swallow thickly as you move closer to his body. He runs his thumb along your cheek and brings his lips to yours again. His stubble scratches lightly at your skin as his lips brush gently against yours. His tongue slides along your bottom lip, asking for permission, which you easily grant, allowing him to slip it in your mouth and over your teeth. You moaned and melted as you tasted his mouth, your knees becoming weak. He holds you steady as he guides your body back against the mattress of his bed. You two kissed, licked and sucked at each other’s lips until both sets were swollen and you were out of breath. You kissed a trail along his jaw line as your legs tangled with his. You two became one, a passionate, entangled mess.

He pulls away to leave kisses along your jaw and down your neck, paying special attention to the sensitive spot behind your ear. His hand slides into your hair and keeps you still as his lips move against your skin. You gasp as he sucks your pulse point gently, you run your hands down his chest and feel the hard muscles beneath his long sleeved shirt. You began unbuttoning his shirt, occasionally running your fingers up and down new, undiscovered muscle. He pulls away quickly to remove it over his head, dropping it to the floor. His cuts, bruises, and scars on his arms and torso are revealed to you, but it’s nothing you haven’t seen before. Though you can’t help but stare, you get a sick feeling in the pit of your stomach when you think back at everything he’s been through and what he’s seen. He notices this, “I’m okay, I’m okay.” he said under his breath, smiling with just a little of effort.

Your uniform is stained and his hands are scarred, but together, you think you make something beautiful. Something that still feels like hope.

You smiled back and then guided his hand to the back of your dress, letting him tug at the laces confining you to it. He peels the dress off slowly, leaving you in your underclothes. You slip off your chemise without a second to waste, allowing the soft fabric pool around your feet and leaving you exposed.

“You’re so beautiful, Y/N.” he whispered, taking one long look at your body before he gazes into your eyes. You’re left speechless again, you feel your cheeks blossoming with a bright pink, but you still manage to say, “Thank you.”

He began to unlace his trousers, looking into your eyes the entire time, searching for any sign that he should stop. He pulled them and his underwear down, letting them join the pile of the clothes on the floor.

He pulls your legs around his waist and presses his body against you as you nuzzle your face into the crook of his neck, leaving more kisses against his skin. One of his hands moves up to your breast, squeezing and kneading the flesh. Your nipple grows hard beneath his touch and he rolls the hardened bud between his thumb and index finger.

“Tom,” you moaned out softly, dragging your nails along his scalp. You leaned your head back against the pillow when he leans in and sucks your neglected nipple between his lips. Your back arches off the bed and you can feel him smiling against your skin. His tongue flicks your nipple before he draws it out between his teeth. His eyes catch yours before he switches to the other one, treating it as he had with the first. His hand comes up to massage your breast gently with his fingers, making you writhe beneath him.

He lowers his head down and starts to pepper your chest and shoulders with pecks. He kisses lower and lower on your body, making you feel hot with anticipation as you wait for what’s to come.

He kisses up one thigh and then the other, as he pushes your legs apart and settles between them. “I love you, Y/N, it’s always you.”

“I love you too, Tom.” you uttered softly, you’re still in disbelief that those words are coming out of your mouth when you’ve been holding them back for so long, and it’s the most beautiful thing in the world to hear him saying it first. His mouth hovers just centimeters from your wetness, his hot breaths warming you. His eyes stay locked on yours as he leans down and kisses your clit gently. The heat of his mouth and the scratching of his stubble on your thighs makes you buck your hips.

He inches closer and presses the flat of his tongue against your folds, leaving a long, broad strip along them. He takes your clit in his mouth, sucking it between his lips. One of his hands splays across your abdomen, holding you still as he licks and sucks, kisses, and nips at your skin.

“Oh Tom,” you moaned out, a little louder than you should have. He parts your folds with the tip of his tongue and he starts rocking his hips against the bed, you can tell he’s seeking friction for himself. “Tom please,” you whispered, “I need you.”

Your body is aching with need, the wait is driving you crazy and all you can think about is him filling you up. It’s all you could want right in this moment.

He groaned against your skin, sending vibrations straight to your core. He swirls his tongue around your walls before pulling his mouth away. In one swift movement, you flip him over onto his back and straddle his lap.

Your bright eyes glance down to his lips, and he smirks. You dive down to his chest, kissing a burning trail to his stomach, letting your breasts brush against him until he groans and grabs at you, pulling you over him. He leans up to catch your lips with his, sighing when you meet him halfway and match him in enthusiasm.

You’re grinding against him before he can even think, making him gasp into your mouth. You emit a soft giggle, running your fingers over his chest. He feels like you’re everywhere, the sensations lighting up his body as he reaches for every bit of your available skin.

You two are skin to skin, your heat sliding over his member, and your short moans fill the air around the room. You won’t even let him do more to get you worked up, you just sink down onto him and let out the most delicious noise he’s ever heard, choking on your breath in the middle of it. You reach your hands out to hold onto the bed frame, gripping it tightly as you rode him.

You’re hot and wet and the most perfect thing that he’s ever felt. He lays back while you roll your hips against his, thrusting up into you as he grips your ass with one hand and reaches for your breasts with the other. You arch your back to push into his touch, sighing in relief, and he’s breathing heavily, feeling sweat prickle on the back of his neck.

He murmured under his breath, “Oh, Y/N,” on the end of a groan. Your hips start stuttering in their rhythm before you can pick it back up again.

He can’t keep his eyes off you, the eye contact scorching as your mouth gapes in pleasure. You slipped your hands down to his hair, holding onto it firmly as your chest falls against his. When you bury your face against his neck, he starts talking against your skin, alternating between the romantic and the filthy, telling you how gorgeous you are, how good it feels to be inside of you, how being with you feels more like home than any place he’s ever been, how the noises you’re making are the prettiest thing he’s ever heard, and he can tell you like it when he talks to you like this.

You two are both glistening in the lantern’s dim lighting of the room, and the heat in your skin spreads to every inch of your body. You move back to hover over his face and you lean in to kiss him, seemingly agreeing as your hips keep pumping. Your tongue is in his mouth is completely distracting, but he manages to move his hand down to thumb at your clit. Satisfaction courses through him as you gasp loudly, resting your forehead against his as you pull away from his lips panting.

“God, Tom, I can’t-” you muttered, your hips losing their rhythm. You tug on his shoulder, and he understands, pushing up on his elbows to flip you two over.

“Better?” he asked, but you can only answer with a long moan as he thrusts into you forcefully. Your walls are clenching around him as your whole body quivers against the sheets, you move your hands up to his hair again, holding onto it and keeping him close. He catches your lips with his and tries to swallow your insistent moans, but it doesn’t do much. Both of you are desperately moving your hips as much as you can, building up higher and higher together.

He keeps a relentless pace until you come, your hands tugging sharply as your hips jolt up against his. You rode out her orgasm on the friction of his hips as he reached his own release, filling you up completely in one slow thrust. Your mouths remained pressed together throughout both of your releases, gasping and panting into each other’s mouths.

He trembles as he regretfully pulls out. He collapses, exhausted and sated, careful to nuzzle into your side, rather than crushing you with his weight. He presses a loving kiss into the throbbing pulse of your neck, and you sighed as you relaxed your body. You both wrapped your arms around one another, content to continue hiding from the world of troubles awaiting you both in the morning.

You two just lied there, taking in each other’s scent and the sound of soft panting. He rolled over to his side, feeling how you clung to his body as he stroked your back, caressing the sweaty skin, both of you trying to catch your breath.

“Please don’t leave, let’s stay like this for as long as we can.” he pleaded, his grasp on you tightening.

“No,” you said, leaning in to plant a soft kiss on his forehead and you smiled as you pulled him as close as you could, “I’m not going anywhere.”


End file.
